A new study suggests that playing video games can improve the cognitive abilities of older adults. So if your grandchildren are clamoring for the latest Wii game, you might actually want to check it out yourself. Highlighted in the December issue of Psychology and Aging, the research is the first to indicate that “playing complex video games after receiving training may improve the cognitive functions that typically decline with age.” In a world where Alzheimer’s is rapidly increasing, any study that reveals some way of maintaining or even improving cognitive function is encouraging indeed.

As with anything, playing too many video games too often is not healthy; it’s all about balance and integration. And don’t worry - if you are just not a prospective “gamer”, other types of mental exercises are beneficial; staying socially connected is also important for maintaining cognition.

Last year’s Wii craze sent my father on a wild goose chase around Manhattan, but his lucky find has turned out to be a family favorite… from my one-year-old nephew all the way up to my baby boomer parents, whom I’ve caught playing a game or two on their own during my visits home.

Nintendo has done a great job in creating wholesome, family-centered games for the Wii system, and I believe that this has contributed to the Wii’s popularity among retirement communities and assisted living facilities. There are certainly a number of extremely graphic and violent video games on the market, and these are the likely culprits for giving the gaming industry a bad name among older adults. But those are not the only games out there, thankfully. In fact, I enjoy a good game of “Burnout 3″ on my Playstation 2 after a particularly bad commute. No violence, no crime, just good car racing and crashing!

So if there is a “Wii” on your child or grandchild’s Christmas list, you might want to pick up a game that you could enjoy as a family. Not only would it be an intergenerational activity that might improve your cognition, you might also be dubbed the coolest Grandma or Grandpa on the block.

- Michelle Seitzer

Many retirees in today’s troubled economy are asking themselves this question, as their nest eggs dwindled (some drastically) before their very eyes. Some were on the verge of retirement, on track to enjoy a comfortable future, until the economy took a dramatic turn in the wrong direction.

Melissa Dahl, a health writer for MSNBC.com, writes about this issue and its devastating effects on baby boomers that were looking forward to hobbies like grandparenting, gardening, or golf in their golden years. Instead, these boomers now suffer from increased anxiety, panic attacks and depression as they face the reality of having to delay retirement another five, 10 or, perhaps for some, an indefinite number of years.

Thoughts of suicide may also cross the minds of these individuals, although one MSNBC.com reader illustrated just how bad things really are by sharing this painful truth: “I have contemplated suicide, but my family does not have enough money to bury me.”

Statements such as these indicate to me that we have truly hit rock bottom, and it pains me to know that people are in such desperate situations. I really do hope for some kind of breakthrough soon, as do all of us, but as the saying goes, “none of this happened overnight, so none of it will go away overnight either.” While we must not completely throw our hands up in despair, we must also be sure that we become part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

On the bright side, I truly believe that these trying times have forced many who may have been living beyond their means to scale back and work within a more reasonable, practical budget. Even those who were living within their means may now have the unique opportunity to grow and be challenged by learning to become an even better steward of their finances, which could mean a greater reward when the economy is healthy once again.

Working on a budget is an extremely positive thing no matter what is happening on Wall Street. During these last few months, I can say that my husband and I have a little more peace of mind just knowing exactly what is coming in and exactly how much is going out… and, perhaps most important, the when and where of our income and expenses. We certainly don’t plan on cutting off our monthly budgeting when the economy rights itself - this is a life skill and a practice that will benefit us no matter what the economic climate may be. But I must admit it was these uncertain times that drove us to get smart about our finances.

While I find myself facing many more years in the workforce simply because I am only in my 30s, I understand that losing time and money from your retirement is not just about missing a few years on the beach drinking margaritas or a few extra rounds on the greens. For my own father, it likely means a few more years of a long and often stressful commute to Manhattan from Northeastern PA. Phyllis Moen, a sociologist from the University of Minnesota, says it this way: “It’s a real sense of shock… here they [retirees] thought they were in control, and they created a life that works — and suddenly, they’ve lost control.”

It’s almost too depressing to go on (and it makes me as a 30-something wonder if “retirement” as an activity or even a concept will even exist when I’m in my 50s or 60s), but if you are reading this article and either a. know a person in this situation who needs some help, or b. that someone is yourself, please read/ share the coping tips below:

HOW TO COPE

• Talk, talk, talk. Share your fears and frustrations with your family, so the financial struggle becomes a family project instead of your burden alone.
• If someone is telling you that they’re worried about you, don’t blow them off. “It’s really easy to say, ‘Oh, I’m fine,’” says Jennifer Harkstein, a New York City clinical psychologist. “But if people around you are noticing a behavioral change, that’s important.”
• Don’t go it alone. Experts encourage struggling retirees to find the time to volunteer or join social activities, to find peers that may be in similar situations and remind themselves that they’re not alone in this.
• If a self-loathing idea floats through your brain — Could I have worked harder? Saved more? — squash it.
• Try tucking away even just a small amount each week in savings. Experiencing the magic of watching a savings account that’s slowly growing will remind you that some things are still in your control.

- tips courtesy of the msnbc.com article “Retirement Dreams Give Way to Despair, Anger”

After a lifetime of hard work and careful planning, prospective retirees deserve to put their feet up. But if you’ve been hurt by this turbulent economy and may be looking at a few more years with your nose to the grindstone when you were really hoping to get that gold watch and big party soon, know that you’re not alone, and be sure to put your feet up the moment you get home from work.

- Michelle Seitzer

There are many “unsung heroes” in today’s world, and you could certainly agree that caregivers fit that bill. When a family member or loved one is in need, most caregivers take on that role willingly and would not trade it for any other job in the world, regardless of its extreme demands. While the types of caregiving vary based on the wide array of diseases, disabilities or special needs that such conditions require, the long-term care system is completely dependent on the informal caregiving network

Without them, no bailout of any amount could keep the system afloat. Yet in a world where people are living longer, a world where many chronic diseases (whose victims are in need of complex, comprehensive care) are on the rise, a world where the reality of increasing network shortages (from nurses to physicians to direct care workers) seem to point towards a perfect storm of titanic proportions, government and community leaders must do all they can to strengthen and sustain this crucial safety net. A quote from former First Lady Rosalynn Carter says it all: “There are only four kinds of people in the world – those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers”. We are all impacted by caregiving in some way and will continue to be in the future.

The AARP Public Policy Institute just released their 2008 update to their report on the Economic Value of Caregiving and the results are staggering: in 2007, the estimated economic value of caregivers’ unpaid contributions was approximately $375 billion, up from an estimated $350 billion in 2006. That’s more than half of the $700 billion bailout package recently issued by the federal government, and, bear in mind, this is the estimated value based on a number of variables. Also remember: this is the value of their unpaid contributions. This is a stunning figure and should be cause for great concern as baby boomers age at rapid rates.

According to the report, the figure of $375 billion is based on 34 million caregivers age 18 and older providing an average of 21 hours of care per week to adults with limitations in daily activities, at an average value of $10.10 per hour. At best, it is a rough estimate that does not include caregivers under the age of 18, nor can it truly quantify the “opportunity costs” that many caregivers incur (foregone wages, loss of benefits such as health insurance, missed work time, etc.). It is nearly impossible to quantify the tremendously difficult work that caregivers do in an hourly rate of $10 per hour, and those who compiled the survey are well-aware of that. But it is clear that the majority of this group is not in this for the pay or the accolades. Their contribution to society and to preserving the dignity of their loved one in need is impossible to measure in terms of dollars and sense.

The balance of the report discusses methodology, variation among the states, just how much $375 billion really is, and the ripple effects that are a natural result of this burgeoning network under fire. We need to pay attention to this silent army and seek to support them in any way we can as they fight the frontline battles of balancing caregiving responsibilities with the demands of daily life. This is no easy task – but recall the words of Rosalynn Carter: the sobering reality is that we cannot live without needing or providing care at some time in our lives. Caregiving is a noble task, and indeed, today’s 34 million caregivers are truly unsung heroes.

- Michelle Seitzer

When you think of a caregiver, you probably think of a gentle, nurturing, motherly type, and in fact, studies have shown that the majority of caregivers are middle-aged women who are likely balancing family and work with their caregiving responsibilities. However, a recent New York Times article by John Leland suggests that times are changing:

The Alzheimer’s Association and the National Alliance for Caregiving estimate that men make up nearly 40 percent of family care providers now, up from 19 percent in a 1996 study by the Alzheimer’s Association. About 17 million men are caring for an adult.

Three male caregivers are profiled in the article, which explores the unique challenges and tensions faced by men who take on what has been traditionally been known as women’s work.

Although women still take the lion’s share of the caregiving pie, today’s changing family dynamics mean that more women are working full-time and are less available to provide care. The journey can be difficult on many levels. For one thing, women typically have a more extensive support system of friends and family to ease that loneliness, but men may have a harder time opening up or asking for help.

Besides the lack of a support system, many men wrestle with balancing their career accomplishments and caregiving — being the breadwinner and the breadmaker is difficult to resolve for men, who for generations have relied on their role as provider as the basis for their identity. A 2003 study of three Fortune 500 companies revealed that men were less likely to take advantage of employee-assistance programs geared towards caregivers for fear of losing their jobs or the respect of their colleagues.

Even senior service professionals who take on a family caregiving role find themselves feeling like a fish out of water. For Louis Colbert, director of the office of services for the aging in Delaware County, PA, sharing the caregiving load for a mother stricken with Alzheimer’s was not a smooth transition from his day job. The first time he drove to his mother’s house to assist with her care, he was afraid that he wouldn’t know what to do when he arrived. Now, Mr. Colbert arranges an annual meeting for male caregivers to voice their concerns. The one he hears the most? Men want their new role to be validated by society. They do not want to remain invisible. And thanks to the brave stories shared in the New York Times article by Peter Nicholson, Matt Kassin and Louis Colbert (representing the 17 million male counterparts in the caregiving equation)  will not remain invisible.

If you are a male caregiver, find someone to talk to. Stay connected. Share your story — not for the attention, but for the validation that what you are doing is important, for the comfort that just knowing you’re not alone can bring. Caregiving transcends gender roles — it always has, but now the needs are too great for women to handle alone. We all must work together to care for our aging loved ones - and in doing so, we are preparing the next generation to care for us, too.

- Michelle Seitzer

The holidays can be a difficult time if a loved one has moved into a senior living facility, or if Alzheimer’s or dementia blocks recognition of family members. Adult children who have not been able to visit an aging parent for several months may notice subtle or drastic changes in their parent’s ability to manage living independently. As if the stress of untangling Christmas lights and waiting in retail store lines wasn’t enough, this extra layer of tension also wraps itself around families during the busy holiday season.

There are a number of things to keep in mind if you are in the “Sandwich Generation” and juggling the many responsibilities that come with this phase of life. Holiday visits with senior family members can still be meaningful, enjoyable, and pleasant –- for both the senior and their extended family -– and all should contribute to making it so.

I’m reminded of the well-known anthem from Fiddler on the Roof, “Tradition,” where Tevye, the patriarch and lead character, sings of the sacred role that traditions play in keeping the community together. The same goes for families today. If there is a tradition that has been longstanding in your home, continue practicing it.

One of our favorite holiday traditions came from my grandparents’ home country of Norway. Every Christmas Eve, we would eat ris grod (Norwegian for rice pudding). Before Grandma dished up the tasty treat, she mixed a nut into the serving bowl. If you were lucky enough to receive the nut in your bowl, you were awarded a marzipan pig. After we left my grandparent’s home, my parents would always allow us to open one gift: a new pair of pajamas to wear that night. Both of these traditions are simple and can be practiced anywhere, and although my Grandpa is currently suffering from Alzheimer’s, I am sure we will still eat ris grod on Christmas Eve.

Perhaps your mother is in a nursing home, but she has always left cookies and milk for Santa. If so, bring a plate of cookies and a glass of milk to her room in the facility. Maybe your grandfather just lost his wife of 50 years. Talk with him about how he is feeling; you may want to create a new tradition together if the grief is still overwhelming.

Other tips:

• A recently posted article on CNN.com offers insights on visiting family members with Alzheimer’s or dementia who may not recognize their loved ones. Regardless of whether or not there is visible recognition, it is absolutely crucial to visit your loved one. In many cases, your loved one may recognize you, but they are unable to recall your name because of the disease’s effects on memory and cognitive function. Perhaps they have lost the ability to speak but are still able to express their emotions non-verbally. Ultimately, it is important to remember that whether or not your loved one recognizes you, they are likely to notice if you are not there. As hard as it may be for you to see them without the ease and closeness you were once accustomed to, your visit will help maintain some sense of normalcy while their own world turns upside down as a result of the disease.

• Ten practical tips for keeping seniors happy during the holidays include reminiscing, planning ahead, and monitoring medications and alcohol. If a loved one lost a spouse within the year, it is important to be sensitive to the signs of depression and offer support for the family member –- respect their need to grieve the loss while providing many opportunities to connect with those who will lift their spirits.

• If it’s been awhile since you last visited your great aunt, keep an eye out for the telltale signs of Alzheimer’s or dementia. All too often, the signs and symptoms are present long before a family member (or the afflicted individual) notices or takes the next step towards diagnosis. Memory loss is not the only sign of dementia –- be aware of personality changes, mood swings, or problems with language.

Most important: Keep things simple, straightforward, and special, and cherish the time spent with family regardless of how different things may be. You may end up creating a new tradition that will be enjoyed for years to come.

- Michelle Seitzer

Respite care — temporary care designed primarily for an overworked at-home caregiver that has been covered in previous posts for this blog — was the subject of a front-page article in the August 19 New York Times.

The story profiles several families in serious need of time to relax and rejuvinate before they could fully re-engage with full-time caring for an elderly relative with Alzheimer’s disease or or another form of dementia.

The article notes common characteristics of many caregivers — being tired and stressed, not having free time, trading duties with a spouse to always have somone at home — coupled with feeling guilty about the idea of needing time away from caregiving.

“In an aging population, nine million people take care of someone with Alzheimer¹s or another form of dementia, and for many it is a responsibility without a break,” the article says.

“But as health professionals and the federal government have recognized the strain on these family members, including higher rates of depression, hypertension, diabetes, sleep disorder, heart disease and death, a growing number of facilities now offer short-term respite stays. In its simplest form, respite might be a home aide a few hours a week or use of an adult day care service. To caregivers at the end of their rope, real respite means a short time away, what for anyone else would be called a vacation,” the Times reports.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with caregiving, the article may help you see that you’re not alone, and that there are some ideas out there for you to consider.

As a separate matter, the article notes that Congress passed the Lifespan Respite Act in 2006 to provide support for respite programs, but so far it has not appropriated any money to finance the act.

Perhaps advocating for financing this much-needed program should become a 2008 goal for caregiver or senior groups.

– Lori Woehrle

Though it’s still warm outside in many places, fall is right around the corner.

The change of season also means some chores to get ready for cooler weather and busier schedules. Even though we all have our own homes to care for, if you have parents who are getting older, some fall cleaning chores can be difficult.

However, sometimes, older parents or relatives don’t know what they need help with, or, are hesitant to ask for help doing things that are useful, but, not always critical. Offering to do specific chores might make it easier for older people to accept assistance.

Here are some ideas for chores that might need addressing before everyone leaves the lazy days of summer behind and gets involved with their back to school schedules:

1. Clean and repair any outdoor furniture to prepare for cold weather storage.
2. Weed garden areas and replace any plants weary from the summer sun.
3. Clean or replace air filters on heating and air conditioning units.
4. Check, and, replace light bulbs as needed, don’t forget the outside lights.
5. Inventory and clean out the pantry and refrigerator, and, offer to go shopping to re-stock.

Even though there may be many chores to do, offering to do a specific task may enable someone to open up and ask for the assistance they might need.

However, as Lori points out, it’s imperative that the senior be aware of and willing to accept the assistance before anyone goes in to help with anything.

I enjoy a column in The Washington Post entitled “Family Almanac.” It’s written by Marguerite Kelly, who has a smart and sensible approach to raising children, managing the teenage years, and adapting to changing roles within a family.

Today’s column, What to Overlook, and Not, With an Aging, Anxious Mom, is a different story, however.

In it, a daughter complains that her agoraphobic mother of 78 is losing interest in her own grandchildren. The daughter writes that her mother makes excuses for not seeing the grandchildren, such as that her home is “too messy for visitors.”

Kelly encourages the daughter (and her sister) to hire a housekeeping service to clean their mother’s house while she is out running errands with one of them. “Although she probably will explode when she sees what the cleaners have done, don’t take her complaints personally,” writes Kelly. “In her heart, she’ll be relieved and may even want them to come back in a few months.”

No, no, and double no.

This approach takes all the control away from the mother, and gives her every reason in the world to distrust her own daughters. It disrespects the mother.

Just two days ago I overheard a lunchroom conversation at the office in which an adult granddaughter bragged about how she “cleaned” her 80-year-old grandmother’s apartment while the grandmother was in the hospital for a few days. She threw away “old” copies of National Geographic magazines, for example, because she “knew” her grandmother would never read them.

But from the grandmother’s point of view, whose to say she’ll never read them? Perhaps she was storing them for a purpose. Even if the magazines have no purpose at all, it should be the grandmother’s decision to throw them away.

Don’t toss out a person’s dignity along with the “trash.” If you think your elder needs help with organizing and cleaning out their living space, work with them to make it happen rather than go behind their back. As Aretha sings, it’s a matter of respect.

– Lori Woehrle

I’m an only child, and both my mother and my grandmother were only children. My father’s brothers are/were significantly older, and therefore their children, my cousins, are a lot older than I am, and I don’t know them, so I don’t have a lot of extended family.

It doesn’t bother me, but people have a lot of questions and misconceptions about being an only child, and I’ve learned to address them.

Though it was largely theoretical to me for most of my life, I knew I’d have the sole responsibility of taking care of parents as they aged. It became very real when my mother was diagnosed with and lost a long battle to cancer 2 years ago this week.

I have a full-time job and three young children of my own, so there were times that dealing with my mother’s illness was brutal. My boss doesn’t call me the “Sandwich Generation Poster Child” for nothing.

Only children know that this time is coming. We hesitate to move far from home because the burden will be on us, yet we try not to let it consume us. Often, we are launched into the caregiver role suddenly, and you just do it, leaving all those, “I wonder what it will be likes” behind.

While it can be lonely in that there’s no sibling to mull over decisions with, and there’s very little relief for you, there’s also a certain freedom in being the one responsble for things such as health care and housing choices.

I have seen the families of my friends torn apart when mom or dad became ill and the siblings couldn’t agree on how best to care for them. It can be brutal as adults slip back into family roles that were long thought to be left behind in childhood.

The fact is though, that even with the most supportive of spouse and children, only children are often alone in caring for aging parents and must rely on outside help and though it’s hard for people like me, it’s a good idea to reach out to the kindness of friends, no one can do it alone and you don’t have to.

I live in Washington, D.C. But I’m spending a long weekend — very long, Friday to Tuesday — with my sister and her husband in Atlanta.

I love visiting my sister. I grew up in a family of two girls and four boys, so Helen and I have a special bond. Because we live so far apart, we see each other only once or twice a year. One fun part about this trip is it is all relaxation and visit time. Usually when I’m here, it’s because I have a business trip to Atlanta and I take an extra day for a visit. (Nice, but I can always feel the clock ticking when I’ve got work looking over my shoulder.)

The best part of this trip is that I’ve brought my eight-year-old daughter along. Helen is her godmother, and she has a special bond with my daughter, too.

My daughter is the center of attention in this house, and that’s a nice thing for a kid who (1) has two working parents who are always racing from one thing to the next; and (2) has a brother who also needs attention. So it is good for her to be at center stage for a few days.

Seeing my daughter playing and joking with my brother-in-law, and talking earnestly or teasing with my sister, reminds me how vitally important these couple of days are. A time for family connection. No big plans for the day — maybe we’ll take a hike at a nearby park or perhaps spend a couple of hours splashing in the neighborhood pool.

Make time for family, especially folks you don’t see often enough. I know my daughter will always remember this trip to see Aunt Helen and Uncle Frank. She’ll remind me (long after I’ve forgotten) about the fact that Aunt Helen sometimes finds geckos on her back deck, and about Aunt Helen’s glorious chocolate chip cookies.

I can see the future coming, and it’s going to be a lovely memory that makes me smile. And it’s happening now.

– Lori Woehrle