Sandwich Generation stories


Baby Boomers& Blog Carnival - Boomers & Seniors: News You Can Use& Retirement& Sandwich Generation stories& Senior Health12 Jan 2010 12:50 am

Boomers-Seniors-NewsHappy New Year! We love this time of year. There’s something wonderful about the clean, crisp and blank pages of a new calendar. It’s a fresh start, a time of reflection, and that feeling that it’s the first day of the rest of your life.

Let that mindset resonate a bit past the first few weeks of the year, and just think of the possibilities! This edition of Boomers and Seniors – News You Can Use will help you be good to yourself, plan for a better retirement, and cope with your role as caregiver, among other things.

Are you ready for a great 2010? Be inspired by watching some fun videos of “Extreme(ly Old) Athletes Who Defy Age & Inspire,” but not before checking out these posts…

Senior Housing & Caregiving

iStock_000005534652XSmallBuying a home can be complicated enough, but when you add an aging relative into the equation, there are important things to consider. Kaye Swain offers List Ideas for Sandwich Generation House Buyers at the SandwichINK Real Estate Info blog. “Having a list of very specific requirements really helps Sandwich Generation house buyers to find a home that will work well with aging parents and grandchildren,” she explains. See which factors are important to think about.

At our very own Seniors For Living Blog, Elizabeth Thielke reminds of an an important reason to consider senior housing: Aging in Place is Not Always Easy. “It’s important to plan ahead and do some research before you arrange for a senior to be cared for at home,” she says.

If you’re a caregiver or just someone who’s dealt with a loved one’s sickness, you’ll be able to relate to Viki Kind’s post, The Power of Empathy – Helping People Connect to their own Hearts posted at KindEthics.com. Learn how empathy can bring about healing for everyone involved.

Boomer Trends

new_iphoneTechie boomers will surely bookmark Kaye Swain’s 16 iPhone Apps For The Sandwich Generation posted at SandwichINK.com. “There are tons of iPhone apps, including plenty for the Sandwich Generation,” she says. “Here are 16 for senior home care givers, grandparents, and general use.”

Sasha A. Rae encourage that it’s Time to Get Down With Your Inner Zen. The post offers some ways to ease into yoga and meditation, and ultimately relieve stress. Read about it as the Wisebread blog.

Planning a weekend getaway? Donna Hull overviews 36 Hours in Tucson for the Active Baby Boomer at the My Itchy Travel Feet blog. “This itinerary will keep boomers active in Tucson,” she says. See for yourself!

Financial Issues

Coffee filled with cashDrop that pricey cup of coffee! In Are You Eating Your Retirement?, Joe Plemon does some eye-opening math to illustrate how some small financial changes can go a long way. “Whether looking for ways to fund your retirement or stretch it,” he says, “the answer could be on your dinner plate.” Find out how at the Personal Finance By The Book blog.

On the fence about retiring? If so, Super Saver breaks down some Reasons to Retire to help you decide if now is the right time. Check it out at the My Wealth Builder blog.

If the last year has taught us anything, it’s that retirement savings are fragile. That’s why SVB’s Retirement Investing Advice For Late Start Investors is such a vital read. Learn about the dos and don’ts of retirement investing at The Digerati Life.

Health & Wellness

iStock_000003305981XSmall“Who knew that life expectancy could reach 77.9 years?” asks Seniors for Living blogger Michelle Seitzer. Her post Give Thanks for Medical Advances focuses on some of the medical breakthroughs, promising stats, and health trends that we should pay attention to this new year.

Ask yourself this: If you were facing a medical emergency, would you have enough information on your person for paramedics to properly treat you? Patricia Grace presents the importance of carrying medical identification posted at Examiner, which maps out exactly what you should have on you at all times… just in case.

Losing weight and eating more healthy is on most people’s lists of resolutions. Debra Joy offers a unique perspective on the topic in her post Death and Dieting at B celebrated.

Did you know heart failure hospitalizations rise during the winter holidays? Heartstrong explains why in The Christmas Coronary – Holiday Heart Attack posted at the Healthy Hearts with Heartstrong blog.Peter Stockwell get right to what’s on everyone’s mind in his post, the Best Way to Lose Weight in 2010. Here’s a hint: It’s on The Senior Walking Fitness Blog. But beyond fitness, you’ll learn about caloric intake and other nutrition basics.

“Struggling with knee pain?” asks Denise Harris. Her post Aching Knees offers tips on how to cope with knee pain that comes with aging. Learn more at the Able Mart blog.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Boomers & Seniors – News You Can Use to be hosted by the fabulous Kaye Swain of SandwichInk.com by using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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Baby Boomers& Sandwich Generation stories& Senior Health& Uncategorized17 Dec 2009 11:42 am

The holidays are here, which might translate to enjoying time off from work, eating large meals, and getting what we want in our Christmas stockings. But it doesn’t mean less stress.

Holiday stress is stress of a different kind. Spending more time with family or visiting with family members that you don’t see on a regular basis is a mixed bag: sometimes, it is a joyous reunion and a wonderful time of reminiscing and creating new memories with those you love; on the other hand, old tensions (and new) may resurface when there are issues within the family that haven’t been fully resolved. And even for those families who enjoy celebrating the holidays with their relatives, the absence of certain beloved members is strongly felt when the group gathers, adding a bittersweet tinge to the most wonderful time of the year. An exceptionally difficult time may await blended families as new members meet, boundaries are set, territories are infringed upon, and worlds collide. Eggnog, anyone?

We all know it’s been a rough fiscal year for many American families, so the rapidly approaching holidays probably breeds fear and loathing for those wanting to make spirits bright in their home while desperately trying to make ends meet. Many breadwinners who have lost jobs are already feeling inadequate, stressed and depressed; the influx of advertisements for the latest, greatest, but certainly not the cheapest gadgets available for those on your shopping list certainly doesn’t help.

While they’re decking the halls, boomers and seniors across the country are clearly dealing with some heavy baggage. An article by Karen Sherman, Ph.D., offers “Life Changing Advice for Boomers: Rewire Your Brain to Control Your Emotions” and guides boomers and seniors in the ways of anger management and stress reduction. Sherman writes about the science of coping mechanisms and knee-jerk reactions to the situations that really push our buttons. After explaining why we blow up, shut down, or storm out, she offers practical anger management techniques and alternatives to our usual less-than-satisfactory responses. It’s a fascinating piece and certainly worth reading before the holiday hormones get the best of you.

Keeping a journal is another great way of relieving the burden of stress during the holidays – and all year-round, for that matter – even if you don’t consider yourself the writing type. A journal is often kept privately, which means your 8th grade English teacher isn’t breathing down your neck as you write, just waiting to mark your words with red ink. This is a place for your thoughts, whether good, bad, or indifferent, to move from your tensed-up shoulders or tight lower back to the sacred, non-judging white space in front of you. Some people feel more comfortable expressing themselves in writing and may be able to share what’s troubling (or pleasing) them with a close friend or family member after jotting down a few entries. Others may be better off keeping the entries to themselves but should still feel a sense of peace and release after the “dump.” Journaling can truly be a cathartic channel with many positive benefits.

So if stringing up the lights sounds about as appealing as waiting in lines at crowded shopping malls on Black Friday, consider hiring a teenage neighbor to do the job. He’ll appreciate the holiday spending money you throw his way, and you can sip your eggnog from the comfort of your living room while he curses and fumbles with the tangles. If you just can’t bear to think about sending 250 photo greeting cards complete with a polished narrative insert of your family’s accomplishments in 2009, put your feet up and don’t push yourself. Send a photo card via email, dotted by a few memorable highlights from the year. Delegate, simplify, and de-stress in the coming weeks and transform your “Bah Humbugs” to “Happy Holidays.”

SFL followers, what holiday stress-management tips might you offer? Share them here.

- Michelle Seitzer

Baby Boomers& Sandwich Generation stories& Uncategorized23 Nov 2009 08:23 pm

Family eating turkey in a dinnerThe holidays are coming….

For some, this phrase inspires fear and dread in anticipation of extensive travel, exhausting preparations for out-of-town visitors, and the execution of endless shopping lists in crowded shopping malls. Many find it a busy but blissful time of year as families and friends gather together and celebrate their own special traditions – enter the relentlessly cheery people who start playing holiday music in their home or workplace well before December or the enthusiastic neighbor who already hung his Christmas lights. Sadly, depression visits countless homes during the holiday season as individuals and families reflect on loved ones lost. No matter how you celebrate, or even if you don’t celebrate at all, it’s an intense couple of weeks in American culture.

Holiday travel is an especially challenging aspect of the season. John Candy and Steve Martin showed us just how stressful (and humorous) holiday travel can be in Planes, Trains and Automobiles, and every parent’s holiday travel nightmare came true in Home Alone. If you are traveling over the holidays, there are a number of things you can do to prevent meltdown, missing children, or migraines. No wonder they say, “There’s no place like home for the holidays.”

But for some, home for the holidays involves getting from Point A to Point B, and if you’re thinking of flying a senior family member to your neck of the woods, check out farecompare.com’s practical piece: “Essential Travel Tips: Flying with Grandparents and Seniors”. It’s a handy step-by-step guide to ensure your senior traveler has the best trip possible. Is Grandma a bit nervous about flying solo?  Try to find a travel companion – maybe a close neighbor who will be alone for the holidays – to accompany her on the journey. If she just gets intimidated by the large airport she’s flying out of, schedule an escort to guide her through the check-in and boarding process…and be sure that someone is there to greet her on the other side.

For boomers traveling with aging parents, children, grandchildren, or all of the above – hello, sandwich generation – delegate, delegate, delegate. Assign everyone a travel buddy and assign a few responsible members a specific travel task (i.e. printing the e-tickets, labeling suitcases, or picking up a wheelchair for Grandpa). Plan ahead: do you need a rental car or a hotel room for the night before your trip?  Be sure to pack some Dramamine for the weaker-stomached travelers in your group, books and games for those especially long flights, and packs of gum for the prevention of ear congestion during lift-off and landing. Get plenty of sleep in the days leading up to your departure (and return). Have a back-up plan in case of flight delays/cancellations. Arrive early for your flights; avoid rushing through the airport at all costs, especially when you have younger (and older) travelers in tow that might not be able to keep pace. And finally, schedule a massage for soon after you return home…even the most prepared individuals will likely be tied up in knots after successfully accomplishing such a formidable feat.

Safety is another huge concern for families traveling during the holidays, whether via planes, trains, or automobiles. Be mindful of those who are watching and waiting for that wallet to drop or for someone to be left behind as a group of harried travelers bustles to make it to Gate B before the plane takes off without them. Don’t be paranoid (who needs that added stress?), but certainly be on your guard at all times throughout your holiday travel itinerary. Focus on the joyous reunion with loved ones you haven’t seen for some time, waiting to greet you with a warm hug (and perhaps an adult beverage?) when you finally arrive – and keep that goal in mind as you cross the miles.

-Michelle Seitzer

Baby Boomers& Blog Carnival - Boomers & Seniors: News You Can Use& Just for Caregivers& Making a Senior Care Decision& Sandwich Generation stories& Senior Living Trends& Senior News22 Sep 2009 04:26 pm

Boomers-Seniors-News

It’s time to fall into autumn with our September 22, 2009 edition of Boomers and Seniors – News You Can Use. The chillier weather makes this season the time of year when you just want to snuggle up and stay inside. But there’s a harvest of opportunities to enjoy, even when it’s brisk out there! Read on for great resources about staying active and informed this fall. And, if it’s inspiration you seek as the days get a bit gloomy, look no further than this recent SeniorsforLiving.com post about Dr. Joseph Kirsner. He just celebrated his 100th birthday in a very unique way. Find out here!

Boomer Trends

iStock_000003470902XSmallNo matter what birthday you recently celebrated, you’re never too old to have fun, especially when there are grandkids around to keep you going! Kaye Swain’s Team-Building Version of Pictureka Game for Younger Grandkids at SandwichINK.com is a fun post to read before planning a fun day with the little ones. “For all my fellow grandparents, this new game is [perfect] to enjoy with your grandchildren, and there’s even a version for younger grandkids.”

Laughter — whether from children or just in everyday life — is good for the soul. In fact, further evidence that a good sense of humor is one of the most essential ingredients in aging gracefully comes Madeleine Begun Kane tongue-in-cheek limerick titled “Happy Birthday To Me.” Her blog, Mad Kane’s Humor Blog, is one laugh after another. Enjoy!

Smiles usually abound on holidays, but whether you believe there are too many special occasions these days (“Hallmark holiday,” anyone?!), the idea is to remember that — holiday or no holiday — every day is an opportunity to cherish the ones you love. Natalie Tucker Miller comments on her latest post, Grandparent’s Day? What of it? at Ageless-Sages, saying, “Don’t let your value systems get in the way of the real issue: Honoring your relationships with elders.”

When it comes to honoring others, the opportunity to sign up for the free service, “The Kindness Reminder” at KindEthics.com is a novel idea. You can receive convenient, friendly, weekly emails that give you a nudge to remember to connect with your loved ones… because sometimes life just gets in the way of what’s really important.

And what can be more important than making memories, as poses in the post, “Experiences Worth Remembering” on BCelebrated.com. Learn about how one very special grandmother reaches across the miles daily to create unique, heartfelt moments with her grandchildren. BCelebrated.com is truly inspirational, and a great way to start thinking about how your memories will be kept alive for your grandchildren.

Senior Care/Caregiving

iStock_000007341453XSmallOn the topic of important things, SandwichINK.com’s Kaye also presents Free Resources for Senior Home Care Givers providing a much-needed overview on forms that are often perceived as frustrating. “Forms are a fact of life for those providing senior home care for aging parents. Here, I have two terrific resources who are sharing a wealth of info with us in that regard.” Sample documents from Power of Attorney to Declaration of Guardian are available to make these sometimes complicated topics easier to navigate.

When it comes to navigating the best care for their loved ones, many caregivers struggle with their concept of home care as they start considering bringing on additional help. SeniorsforLiving.com helps dispel common misconceptions about home care, so you can make an educated choice about this important decision.

Nursing homes come with a certain stigma attached to them, but as Eldercare Support Group blogger points out in the post “The Importance of Planning Ahead” on the Taking Care of the Folks blog, they’ve improved dramatically over the years. That being said, you’ll still want to have a plan in place should the day come when your loved one needs to be place in a senior care facility, especially if you don’t live nearby. Get some tips in this very informative post.

As caregivers, we are often unprepared for our parent’s dying.  Sometimes it is because of denial or lack of knowledge or we are so deeply involved in the “day to day” survival that we don’t look to the future. Six things to do to prepare for your parent’s death on Orphan at 60 provides heartfelt advice about a topic many of us don’t want to — but need to — confront.

Financial Issues

iStock_000007575715XSmallOftentimes, the most complicated things in our lives have to do with money, especially for those with aging loved ones. At Examiner.com, Patricia Grace presents the third part in a five-part series on eldercare funding options in the post Veterans Aid and Attendance Pension Benefit. Get the real details about the benefits due to our country’s hard-working and beloved veterans.

And if it’s a paycheck you seek (or need, or want…), remember that career advice isn’t just for those on the job. Nissim Ziv presents planning advice in the post Retirement: Careers After Retirement at Job Interview Guide, saying, “This article provides retirement career planning advice, including ideas and points to consider for careers after retirement.”

Boomer/Senior Health & Wellness

iStock_000000552751XSmallWhether you’re busy on the job, with the grandkids, or just caught up in the chaos of everyday life, there should always be a moment when you consider your health.

Top of that list? Your diet.. for which we have three words for you: Sodium, sodium, sodium. We all know that  it’s everywhere and too much of it can be unhealthy, which is why the post Don’t Take This With a Grain of Salt (L-O-N-G) at Wisdom From Wenchypoo’s Mental Wastebasket is so on target.

Is your health care provider on target, too? Edie Dykeman’s post, How to Choose a New Doctor, at  Elder Care Cafe, presents some tips for making that search, when necessary, a little easier. “There are a number of reasons an aging senior may need to find a new doctor.” Whether a necessary move requires you to seek a new physician, or you’re just not happy with who you’re currently seeing, everyone deserves to get the kind of care they want from someone they like, respect, and trust.

That concludes this edition of Boomers and Seniors – News You Can Use. We hoped you learned as much as we did, and feel inspired to pass this on to your friends.

To submit a blog post to our next carnival, to be held on October 13 at Ageless-Sages.com, click here.

To host a future Boomers and Seniors – News You Can Use on your blog, email Gina LaGuardia, SeniorsforLiving.com’s editorial director, at glaguardia@seniorsforliving.com.


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Baby Boomers& Sandwich Generation stories& Senior Health15 Sep 2009 04:36 pm

GenerationsIn a recent issue of Southeastern PA’s Senior Guidebook, I found an intriguing article called “Taming Your Adult Children” that offered practical, albeit tongue-in-cheek strategies for keeping well-meaning adult children in check.

I’ve seen it firsthand in dealing with my own family. And while I never doubted that my parents, aunts and uncles had my grandfather’s best interests at heart, the approach was often, if you asked me, less than satisfactory. I don’t fault them for trying, and it’s not easy to watch your loved one experience numerous losses without feeling the need to step in and become the parent. In some cases, it may be necessary to do so, but it still must be done in a way that affirms the parent in his/her given role.

Author Kellie Moeller recommends the following to aging parents looking to keep their children from cramping their style:

1. Drive safely and without accidents.
OK, adult children, so we all know that Mom’s vision just isn’t what it used to be, but knocking down the mailbox while backing out of the driveway does not signify that her driving days must come to an end. We all have our share of bad driving moments. Before you take away the keys, consider the track record. If that is the only incident in a few months’ time, chalk it up to sun glare or fogged up lenses. Cut Mom some slack.

Parents, step back and evaluate – and be honest about it, too. You probably hate the thought of losing your license, but if your safety and that of others on the road is compromised when you get behind the wheel, reconsider. Take control of the situation before your adult child takes the reins.

2. Stay chubby and healthy
Dad, little sets off your worried daughter more than dramatic weight loss or a recurring bout of the flu. I’m not suggesting binge eating here, but be sure that your cupboards are stocked and you can get around without falling (as much as you hate it, you might need to purchase that cane or walker).

Worried daughter – check first to see if the weight loss is a result of something other than Dad’s lack of interest in food. It could be a signal for something serious like depression or dementia, but don’t jump to that conclusion immediately. Maybe he doesn’t like to cook for himself. Invite him for dinner once in a while, or drop off a prepared meal for him.

3. Be social
We all know how important it is to stay connected. What a great way for independent parents to keep doting children far away… just stay busy!

4. No overdoses
According to the article, an estimated 30 percent of all hospital admissions are directly related to drug toxicity or adverse drug reactions. While keeping track of the green pill for Mondays, blue pill for evenings, white pill for cramps, and pink pill for lazy afternoons is not always easy (even with those handy little pill holders), this is a serious issue –  even the most independent of parents may need the help of their adult children to keep things on track.

5. Balance dependency
Mom, it’s OK if you rely on your son to take you to Bingo every Saturday and your daughter for trips to the grocery store on Tuesdays. Just don’t burn them out: If your needs increase and trips to the grocery store are requested on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, maybe you need to look into other options for transport.

Likewise, children, don’t burn out because you feel obligated. If you’re cooking and cleaning for Dad and it’s turning into a full-time job, maybe he needs to move in, or maybe a call to a cleaning service will do the trick. It’s all about balance on both sides of this equation.

6. No weird purchases
Scammers are everywhere, and they are after consumers of all ages. However, elders are often targeted. Maybe Mom and Dad have always sent away for Publisher’s Clearing House “freebies” – if so, don’t be alarmed unless the knickknacks are rolling in more frequently than usual. Parents, be wise about your purchases. If you’re unsure of a group that is soliciting for donations, ask someone about it before you send large sums of money.

7. Be useful and active
Mom, you’ve worked hard all your life. If you want to watch Judge Judy or Cosby Show reruns, you are more than entitled. However, your darling daughters may check in more often than you’d like if you sit in front of the tube from sunup to sundown. Get out there and volunteer, or if you can’t get out, stay in and volunteer. Moeller writes of a woman who knits baby hats for a local non-profit for unwed mothers… all from the comfort of her own home!

8. Make sure bills are paid
Again, elders are often targeted when it comes to money – they might pay for something they don’t need (see number 6), or they might pay for services (i.e. landscaping, housekeeping, etc.) that were never rendered. Parents, make sure you are paying bills on time, and know what you’re paying for – it’s a surefire way to keep your kids from meddling.

9. Talk about it
Let’s face it, sophisticated parents – the challenges of aging are not easy to bear. Lighten the load!  Talk to your kids; keep the lines of communication open. Kids, if you’re worried about Mom’s driving skills or the seeming lack thereof, express your concern directly to her before plotting with your siblings on ways to hide the keys. She’s an adult, she raised you, and she’s been around a few years more than you (maybe even decades more). Respect her role. You might not live under her roof anymore (and maybe you wish she lived under yours so you can help her), but she’s still your Mom.

SFL followers, let’s hear from you: how do you strike a balance between the difficult role of caring for your parents and maintaining their independence? Or, if you’re the parent, how do you tell your children “thanks, but no thanks”?

-Michelle Seitzer

Just for Caregivers& Sandwich Generation stories27 Aug 2009 02:00 pm

caring_workAs a member of the Sandwich Generation, I’m all too familiar with the dilemma of having to take care of an aging or ill parent while caring for your own family as well as maintaining a job. When my mother was ill, I missed a great deal of work. While I was fortunate enough to be able to work it out with my employer, many workers aren’t as lucky as I was, and are penalized for work time lost.

A unique program at the Fred Weber Construction Company in Maryland Heights, MO, called Caring Workplace, allows employees to continue working while caring for an elderly relative.

The employer pays $2 a month to the program for each enrolled worker and the benefits are many:

When employees enroll in the program, they get unlimited free counseling — face-to-face, phone or e-mail — and referral services from an elder care specialist. The program also entitles an employee to a 10 percent discount for an in-home assessment and home health care services given to the relative.

While there is no way around senior care being expensive, sometimes part of the battle is knowing where to start and how to obtain services. The search for care and services can further take away from work productivity when you have to do the legwork yourself. The free counseling can be invaluable as the elder care process can really take a lot out of a caregiver. To have that support in the workplace is a very rare gift.

Does your employer offer a caregiver-friendly program? Tell us about it, or share your thoughts for what you’d like to see.

Sandwich Generation stories18 Aug 2009 02:57 pm

iStock_000000603281XSmallIt used to be that our family stories and history were passed down from generation to generation. That was back when we had time to sit down and talk, though. Today, despite the wonders of technology many people regret not having asked their parents and grandparents before them what the family was like and what they did “back in the day”:

I wish I’d interviewed my grandparents and recorded some of their stories before they died. One grandfather worked in the Roosevelt administration and entered Germany with the first Allied troops right after World War II ended. My grandmother graduated from college at a time when few women received more than a high school education. I can still clearly remember the sound of my grandparents’ voices, but I’ve forgotten many of the stories they told me. I wish I’d asked more questions before it was too late.

I’m lucky that I grew up in a time where my mother and my grandmother did tell me stories, but as an only child, I was kind of a captive audience. I’m glad now, though. I try to impart these stories to my kids, but I don’t really know how I’m doing.

The end of summer is a popular time for family reunions with all the generations and a great time to reminisce. When you want to record family stories, there’s “no time like the present”, so how do you get started?

An oral history is simply the systematic collection of people’s experiences told by them, and there’s a few things to do in preparation:

    1. Create a list of questions and topics, and give the interviewee an idea of what you’ll be asking to assess if they are comfortable with the topics.
    2. Decide what equipment you ‘ll be using (audio only? video?). Though it doesn’t have to be fancy, make sure it works and that you know how to use it beforehand.
    3. Start each recording with who, what, where and when you are interviewing.
    4. Use a mix of open ended questions to get stories and other questions to elicit facts.
    5. Practice ways to elicit more information if an answer needs elaboration (“Tell me more” or, “Could you explain that in more detail?”)
    6. Start with less personal or probing questions and move toward more intense questions.
    7. Be aware that the interview could be emotional for the interviewee, so be sure to end on a light note so they aren’t left “hanging” with their emotions.
    8. Determine how the information will be saved and if it will be distributed. Will it be put on a website? Will the information be transcribed? Who will get copies?

With a little planning, you can use the technology available to us today to create a valuable family treasury and keep the history alive for generations to come.

–Elizabeth Thielke

Alzheimer's Care& Just for Caregivers& Sandwich Generation stories29 Mar 2009 11:48 pm

Joe LaGuardia is chaplain for several retirement homes in Atlanta, Georgia, and author of the blog Caregiver Spirituality.

Becoming a caregiver is one of the most difficult transitions in a person’s life. Often, caregiving occurs when a spouse, child, or parent requires assistance on a daily basis, be it due to illness or special needs. Many people are not prepared to take on the caregiving role, especially since the role is one that is rarely expected. Ultimately, the transition to the role of caregiver inherently means a transition in one’s relationship to the one receiving care.

For instance, if an adult child must care for an aging parent, the child/parent relationship changes. The adult child is forced to do many tasks for the parent that the parent once did for the child. A “role-reversal” ensues. For example, if a husband begins to care for his wife, or vice versa, the relationship shifts from that of mutual care and responsibility to a one-sided burden of care. The caregiver may start to see the care receiver as a “child” for whom to care instead of a husband or wife.

The feeling that many new caregivers experience during this time of transition and role-reversal is that of grief. Grief results from any loss, be it loss due to death or loss as a result from a life-change. Grief comes in different forms: anger, resentment, hostility, depression, change in diet, to name a few. Caregivers feel loss in the relationship because the care receiver can no longer meet certain emotional and physical needs for the caregiver. For instance, in a marriage that turns into a caregiving relationship, there may be a loss of intimacy due to the lack of sexual union between spouses. The care receiver cannot fulfill the physical, emotional, and mental needs of the caregiver through physical acts of love or bonding. There is loss in the relationship, and grief is the natural outcome on the part of the caregiver.

For caregivers of ailing family members, grief is especially pertinent because the caregiver is reminded that the care receiver may be close to death. The loss is one of finality or mortality. Sometimes caregivers grieve the death of a loved one long before the loved one even dies, because the person for whom they care is “no longer the person I knew.” This is especially true when the care receiver has dementia or Alzheimer’s disease and takes on a different personality or temperament.

If you are a caregiver experiencing grief, it is important for you to seek out professional help. A trusted pastor, counselor, or therapist will help you navigate through your own experience of grief. Your goal should be to express your feelings of loss or frustration in a safe and confidential environment and then find avenues of hope and personal fulfillment in the midst of your caregiver responsibilities.

– Joseph LaGuardia

Baby Boomers& Sandwich Generation stories& Senior Living Trends10 Mar 2009 09:20 am

A recent piece posted on U.S. News & World Report.com and aol.com touts the top 10 cities for boomers, based on factors such as area attractions and availability of appealing jobs for retirees seeking work.

The top 10 cities are:

  1. Oklahoma City, OK – Tied with Washington, DC, for the lowest jobless rate in the country, this state capital city has much to offer besides gainful employment: a low cost of living and numerous private golf courses form a trifecta for retirees seeking work, reduced expenses, and time on the green.
  2. Charleston, WV – Charleston’s healthcare industry has held strong despite the weakening economy, and, at quitting time, residents can take in America’s favorite pastime at the Appalachian Power Park Stadium.
  3. Lubbock, TX – The birthplace of Buddy Holly, Lubbock has “a thriving music scene” in addition to university jobs and a wealth of cultural events at Texas Tech University’s auditorium and sculpture garden.
  4. State College, PA – Home to the famous “non-retiree” Joe Paterno and his Nittany Lions, State College is a fabulous spot for boomers seeking an active retirement. Residents can take free courses at PSU, enjoy frozen treats at an on-site creamery, and move into the university’s retirement community when the time comes.
  5. Bismarck, ND – State capital cities like Bismarck offer many opportunities for employment. The pay may not be much to write home about, but the attractive health care & pension benefits that are hard to find in private companies helps balance it out.
  6. Rochester, MN – Rochester’s claim to fame is the Mayo Clinic, which provides superior healthcare, tens of thousands of job opportunities, and attracts 1.5 million visitors a year… translating into numerous service industry job slots.
  7. Ithaca, NY - Nestled in the beautiful Finger Lakes region of NY, almost half (43%) of Ithaca’s Cornell University employees are age 50 or older.
  8. Huntsville, AL – A variety of jobs in healthcare, government and higher education are on the books in this southern city. For those interested in the final frontier, Huntsville is also home to the Davidson Center for Space Exploration.
  9. Bellevue, WA – Over 145 companies – including Expedia, T-Mobile and Microsoft – are based in this metro area with Seattle and Tacoma nearby. Bellevue’s nearly 2,000 acres of parks and various freshwater lakes for boating enthusiasts afford just as much recreation as it does employment opportunities.
  10. Charlottesville, VA – featuring the beautiful, historic Monticello and gorgeous fall foliage at Shenadoah National Park, this college town offers over 20 wineries to entice boomers to the South.

I’m not sure whether the current housing market would encourage boomers to sell, relocate and buy. However, the industries in these cities have held strong despite economic turmoil, so when the time is right and the nest is empty, these may be the places to start a new chapter of your life.

- Michelle Seitzer

Alzheimer's Care& Sandwich Generation stories02 Mar 2009 09:11 am

I have always been fascinated by the principle that your sense of smell (and taste) is most closely linked to memory. Marcel Proust reflected that “the smell and taste of things remain poised a long time, ready to remind us… the immense edifice of memory.”

Many scientists have studied this link, and one of the most memorable stories that I can recall from my days of working in assisted living had to do with this very connection: “Mrs. B” told me that when her husband was dying and could not see or communicate, she doused herself in his favorite perfume and visited his bedside. “I’m here, Bill, I’m here,” she said, and though he could barely hear, she leaned in close so he could smell the perfume he had always loved on her. He breathed in deeply and smiled, knowing exactly who she was; moments later, he died.

How many times can we recall a certain smell taking us way back, sometimes to early childhood days of playing outside in the backyard or visiting grandparents on a farm in the countryside? There are probably times when tasting a certain food or drink has the same effect. I’m sure there is a smorgasbord of stories on this subject to fill many books and blogs.

Amy Goyer, senior vice President for outreach at Grandparents.com, writes about the cookbook her sister created in 1980 to keep certain treasured family recipes on record for future generations. Entitled “Family Magic,” Amy’s sister collected four generations of recipes from aunts, uncles, in-laws, grandparents, siblings and more. Within this compilation, which has become an important piece of family history, the accompanying tradition complements the record of the recipe, giving the complete scope of the family’s cultural heritage.

Goyer stresses the importance of recording these generational recipes, not just for culinary purposes alone, but for the memories of special people and places that are brought to mind every time she breathes in deeply of a freshly baked family delicacy. She shares one of these unique recipes, along with a list of pointers for getting started on the creation of your own family’s heritage cookbook. It will be most certainly labor-intensive, but undoubtedly a worthwhile labor of love.

I am inspired by Goyer’s piece to spend some time in my grandmother’s kitchen, asking her for recipes from many delicious dishes that I’ve enjoyed over years of Christmas Eves and afternoons by Grandpa and Grandma’s pool. I also plan to ask my mother for some of her recipes from numerous holiday breakfasts to tasty dinner meals in my growing up years. I know that just reading the ingredients will likely usher in a host of memories and I welcome the trip.

There’s a Polaroid snapshot that is still on Grandma’s refrigerator, showing the smiling faces of her five oldest grandchildren at work in her kitchen years ago. She always allowed us to experiment, even if it meant that what we produced was not fit for eating. Looking at that photo will always remind me of Moon Cake – what we dubbed the not-so-successful culinary trial due to its crater-like appearance — most likely a result of microwaving the mishmash of ingredients rather than baking it. I am likely to never encounter the smell of Moon Cake, but the photo alone encapsulates the importance of family traditions and pleasant childhood memories –- that often come straight out of Grandma’s kitchen.

- Michelle Seitzer

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