Sometimes staff and family members are caught off guard by a major change in behavior — for the worst — among older adults struggling with, even physically fighting against, their transition to assisted living, nursing homes, and other senior care settings.
In other cases, their behavior is completely different after the move. Case in point: this article in “The New Old Age” section of The New York Times, which tells the painful story of an 84-year-old nursing home resident whose son described her as “a monster.” As a parent, she was abusive, a gambler and alcoholic who regularly “beat her son.” In the nursing home, she was quiet, a loner, but eventually became “generally well liked and sociable.” There, in that environment where no one really knew of her past and where no family came to visit, she was a different person.
Written by doctor, author and geriatric psychiatrist Marc E. Agronin, the piece illustrates a sad truth, a delicate issue that is not often discussed among caregivers. So many articles, resources, and conversations about being a caregiver for an aging parent or relative refer to that person as a “loved one.” This is not always the case. It is important for professional caregivers, friends, and family members to be sensitive to these complex situations, offering support rather than judgement — and a listening ear — to those who are struggling with both the past and present in this way.
Read more here: In Complex Relationships, Senior Communities May Be Best Option.
Flickr Gallery
Mary says,
Great article Michelle. As someone who works in senior housing placements and referrals, this is something that we come across (sadly) on a fairly regular basis.
Just because someone is elderly does not mean they are angelic and your article is honestly the first I’ve seen to portray that side of aging.
P.S. I’m sure caregivers would appreciate a follow-up post or article on coping strategies, etc.
on 23 August 2012 / 5:24 PM
Michelle Seitzer says,
Thanks, Mary. I appreciate the feedback and I’m glad to know (even though it’s a sad reality) that the article was relevant and accurate in terms of what you see in your work. Yes, you’re right. Not all elders are angelic or passive.
That’s a fantastic idea. I will send you the link when it’s live, as I have just added this to my list of articles to write. Thank you so much for the suggestion, and thanks for stopping by the blog to share your comments!
on 24 August 2012 / 10:06 AM