“But I don’t know what to say when I visit” is the all-too common defense when a loved one has Alzheimer’s or a related dementia. Sometimes, it is just too difficult to see the person you love in such an altered state; other times, it is simply lack of what used to be normal conversation. What do you say when Grandma can’t remember the word for “hello” – or even your name? When Dad looks at you helplessly, clearly seeking your face for the answers to so many questions, how do you even make small talk?

Nadine Rudner Brechner watched Alzheimer’s unravel her mother’s independence and identity for eight years. Despite his own illness, Nadine’s father, Moses Rudner, served as the primary caregiver for his wife until he passed away. As Moses, Nadine and other family members struggled with the inherent challenges that Alzheimer’s brings, they confronted one of the most common frustrations for caregivers: keeping the care recipient engaged in meaningful, age-appropriate activities. They tried using children’s books and songs, but neither could fully stimulate Charlotte Rudner.

As Nadine says on her website, “They say that necessity is the mother of invention, and in our case the ‘mother’ is mine.” Thus, Nadine set out to design and publish a simple, illustrated book (with large, easy to read type) that would include topics to “facilitate conversation and spark memories.”

And so it was that Memory Triggers came to be.

Memory Triggers is a series of 3 books, spanning the three most memorable decades in the lives of today’s elders: the 1940’s, 1950’s and 1960’s. With clear, readable fonts, colorful images (both graphics and photographs), and plenty of white space to make it easier on the eyes and the Alzheimer’s mind, the books are filled with events, places and people that are easily identifiable to those with cognitive impairments. Caregiver notes and simple words also aid in the process of engaging the loved one in reminiscence and conversation, covering everything from cars and food to movie stars and sports (over 300 memories in 20 categories).

There is something for everyone to enjoy, both on the giving and receiving end of the books. The baseball buff nephew can flip ahead to the sports pages when he visits his uncle in the nursing home and start the conversation there. The grandmother who doesn’t seem to recognize her granddaughter might quickly recognize a picture of Ingrid Bergman – which just might spark a memory of the summer days when the two used to watch “Casablanca” together during sleepovers at Grandma’s.

The books might serve as a security blanket for nervous visitors, but they might also provide hours of independent enjoyment for the person with dementia. In a world where everything has become unrecognizable, flipping through the pages of a book filled with familiar faces and places could be very reassuring.

Visit www.memory-triggers.com to order the books (only available online), read the reviews of Nadine’s series, or to view a sample page. It might be just the thing to get your reluctant teenager to visit Grandpa – or maybe your older, still-in-denial brother to visit Dad. Maybe you, the spousal caregiver, need a fresh way to communicate with your wife and remember happier times.

Nadine Rudner Brechner understands the Alzheimer’s journey for caregivers. She has taken a difficult aspect of her own experience and transformed it into something useful for many following the same thorny path. Great work, Nadine!

SFL followers, what is the most difficult part of your Alzheimer’s caregiving journey? How have you confronted it?

- Michelle Seitzer