This guest blog post is contributed by Boomerater, a free online resource for Baby Boomers helping you find everything from a financial planner to great trip ideas. Seniors for Living contributes its senior housing properties to Boomerater’s local directories including New York independent living communities, Atlanta Alzheimer’s care and more.

A new Q&A discussion from Boomerater’s forums appears here each Friday. In this week’s post, members share tips for soon-to-be-grandparents. 

Boomerater Question:  We’re about to become first-time grandparents and would like to hear tips from others to make this the best experience for our new grandbaby and our son and daughter-in-law. We have a good relationship with the kids and live close by. I want to be supportive and helpful, but don’t want to overstep boundaries in my role as mother-in-law.

Responses from Boomerater members:

• The fact that you are concerned about overstepping shows you are sensitive to the possibility. Don’t make the mistake my daughter’s in-laws made. They were way too involved, dropping in all of the time, telling them how to do every little thing. In a time that should have been joyous for all, they ended up alienating the kids through their controlling, nitpicking behavior. Remember what it was to be a new mother, and support their decisions and privacy.
• On the day the baby is born buy a New York Times and take the baby’s picture with the front page. Do this each year and you will have a historic chronicle that shows how the child has grown year to year. Use the pictures to make a scrapbook for a perfect high school graduation present the child will treasure forever.
• As they get accustomed to becoming new parents, respect their need for lots of alone time. Ask how you can help, and follow their wishes. Doing errands for them (shopping etc.) is a great way to give them more time to enjoy the baby. You’ll have plenty of time to babysit later.
• Have they chosen names yet? They may want to check babynamewizard.com. It is a great resource for meanings, popularity trends, etc.   But whatever their choice, even it it’s a name that holds unpleasant memories for you, remember it is their decision, not yours. Supporting their choice (even if you have to be fantastic actors) is a great way to start off on the right foot as grandparents
• Things have changed since you had your babies:  (1) They MUST be in a car seat.  (2) If they are breastfeeding the baby, go with their decision and DO NOT heat breast milk in the microwave, it destroys the immunity benefits. (3) You were told to put your babies on their stomachs to sleep, but don’t argue with the advice they are getting now about the greater safety of back sleeping (4) If they are told babies should learn to walk BEFORE they get their first pair of shoes, don’t criticize and don’t offer to buy some shoes for junior before he learns to walk. (5) Don’t read parenting magazines and then give them to your children.

To read more responses from Boomerater members and to share your own tips, go to the Boomerater post: Tips For New Grandparents