Being a caregiver is a full-time job, and all too often, people in this role do not seek the support they need to sustain this grueling work. Often, caregivers feel alone and isolated in their role. While all the statistics show that millions of Americans are caring for a loved one, it’s easy to forget that fact when you are home-bound with your care recipient. Although every care giving situation is unique, there are many similar challenges and rewards faced by those walking in the same shoes. Sharing those stories together can be a welcome and needed release, affirming the fears and frustrations of the job while providing comfort, encouragement, and strength for the journey.

In many cases, caregivers may know they need help, but do not have time to get it. Perhaps they feel guilty taking any time for themselves. Denise Brown of Caregiving.com recognized this need, and in answer to it, she started her first online support group in 1996. After launching her website, she explains, “A visitor asked about the possibility of creating a ‘buddy list’ so she could connect with other family caregivers. One thing led to another and, before we knew it, we had a full-fledged online support group.”

Brown continued to manage these online support groups until mid-2008. After a couple months’ break, she is excited to offer an online group again. She’s also excited about adding a number of new groups (see the list below); if more than one is of interest, Brown affirms there is no limit to how many groups caregivers may join:

• Christian Support: For family caregivers who are Christians
• Gay-Lesbian Support: For family caregivers who are gay or lesbian
• Godspeed Support: For family caregivers whose roles have ended and who are looking to start the next phase of their lives
• Grieving Support: For family caregivers who have lost their care recipients
• Long-distance Support: For family caregivers who care from a distance
• Nursing Home Support: For family caregivers whose care recipients reside in a nursing home
• Sandwiched Support: For family caregivers raising children and caring for aging relatives
• Spousal Support: For spouses in a caregiving role

After 13 years of running these groups, Brown is certainly an expert on why they work so well, and she sums it up in three principles: convenience, ease of use, and flexibility. Here’s how she breaks it down…

1. They’re convenient. Family caregivers don’t have to worry about finding someone to watch their care recipients, as they often do when attending a community support group. They don’t have to worry about juggling all that they do and attending a support group meeting. The group is there for them when they need it – whatever the time of day or night.

2. They’re easy. “Our members communicate via email messages.” It’s as easy as checking email messages and sending an update to a group of friends.

3. They’re flexible. “Our members choose their topics. Whatever’s happening that day for them becomes that day’s topics. Even better: When they’re perplexed by a problem, they don’t have to wait a month for the next community group meeting or for a health care professional to call them back,” Brown explains. “Chances are another group member has experienced that same problem or been through that same experience.”

I truly believe that the best resource for a family caregiver is another family caregiver.

While some may agree that these principles make an online group attractive, others may not be convinced that a support group “out in cyberspace” will do the trick, especially if that caregiver is seeking social interaction. We all know how frustrating it is to call customer service and navigate an automated system for what seems like an eternity before we get a live body on the other end.

While there is no replacement for a live hug or shoulder to cry on, Brown shares one of her favorite memories, attesting to the deep value of these groups despite their virtual nature. She recalls: “Lennda, who cared for her father, noticed that his condition was worsening during the night. She contacted Hospice, they gave her a few suggestions on how to ease his comfort. She sent a note to the online group around 1 a.m. Another member, Faye (a night-owl), replied with some words of comfort. The two communicated, Lennda with updates and Faye with comfort, until Lennda’s father passed a few hours later. I think it’s amazing how two people who never met can become two special comrades during a very special moment in Lennda’s life.

Wow – what an amazing story. Thank you, Denise Brown, for the great work you are doing, and thanks for sharing your thoughts with Seniors for Living!

To learn more about her groups, or to join one, visit: http://www.caregiving.com/get-support/

-Michelle Seitzer