There’s a lot written these days about the concept of “aging in place,” or, doing things differently that allow a senior to stay at home as opposed to assisted living or a nursing home.

Some groups of seniors are taking it upon themselves to organize and provide each other the help that they need through a sort of “retirement co-op” or naturally occurring retirement communities:

NORCs’ – Naturally Occurring Retirement Communities’ is a demographic term to describe neighborhoods or buildings in which a large segment of the residents are older adults. In general, they are not purpose-built senior housing or retirement communities and were neither designed nor intended to meet the particular health and social services needs and wants of the elderly. Most commonly, they are places where community residents have either aged in place, having lived in their homes over several decades, or are the result of significant migrations of older adults into the same housing constructs or neighborhoods, where they intend to spend the rest of their lives.

For example, in Los Angeles in Park La Brea, a group of older residents have formed an informal network to help each other remain in their homes.

There’s a centralized office called LIFE (Living Independently in a Friendly Environment), started in 2005 as a federally funded pilot project designed to see if such communities could help people remain in place as they age, manned by volunteers, other seniors who provide information and referrals as well as friendly calls to check on residents.

Other communities provide such services as organized outings, concierge services, fitness classes, minor home repair, yard work, computer assistance, home safety assessments and regular social gatherings.

There are also opportunities for other people in the community to help seniors in these programs.

There are similar programs in other states, some charge member fees, some do not, but all of them bring a community together to help each other.

Do you know about the 80/20 rule? It’s a business truism that says that 80 percent of your sales come from just 20 percent of your (most loyal) customers. Airline frequent flyer programs are the 80/20 rule in action.

Today I learned of a variation: the 40/70 rule, which says if you are at least 40 years old, and your parents are 70, it’s time for you to start talking to them about a host of issues.

We all know how difficult it can be to talk with our parents about certain topics. Jake Harwood, a communications professor at the University of Arizona and author of the book Understanding Communication and Aging, provides us with seven helpful tips:

1. Get Started.
   If you’re 40 or your parents are 70, it’s time to start observing and gathering information carefully and thoughtfully. Don’t reach a conclusion from a single observation and decide on the best solution until you have gathered information with an open mind and talked with your parents.
2. Talk it out.
   Approach your parents with a conversation. Discuss what you’ve observed and ask your parents what they think is going on. If your parents acknowledge the situation, ask what they think would be good solutions. If your parents don’t recognize a problem, use concrete examples to support your case.
3. Sooner is best.
   Talk sooner rather than later when a crisis has occurred. If you know your loved one has poor eyesight or has trouble driving at night, begin to address those issues before a problem arises.
4. Forget the Baby Talk
   Remember you are talking to an adult, not a child. Patronizing speech or baby talk will put older adults on the defensive and convey a lack of respect for them. Put yourself in your parents’ shoes and think of how you would want to be addressed in the situation.
5. Maximize Independence.
   Always try to move toward solutions that provide the maximum amount of independence for the older person. Look for answers that optimize strengths and compensate for problems. For instance, if your loved ones need help at home, look for tools that can help them maintain their strengths. Professional caregiving services provide assistance in a number of areas including meal preparation, light housekeeping or medication reminders. Or find friends who can help.
6. Be Aware of the Whole Situation.
   If your dad dies and soon afterward your mom’s house seems to be in disarray, it’s probably not because she suddenly became ill. It’s much more likely to stem from a lack of social support and the loss of a life-long relationship. Make sure that your mom has friends and a social life.
7. Ask for Help
   Many of the issues of aging can be solved by providing parents with the support they need to continue to maintain their independence.

The 13-page booklet, The 40-70 Rule: A Guide to Conversation Starters for Boomers and Their Senior Loved Ones, is based on interviews with 1,500 U.S. and Canadian adults with aging parents.

–Lori Woehrle

My frail mother-in-law, Hope, denied that she fell.

“I heard from Athena (her sister) that you fell at the grocery store on Sunday. Are you alright?,” I asked.

“I didn’t fall,” she insisted. “I was going through the door, and it closed too quickly, and I was pushed by the door closing.”

Fortunately, Hope appears to be okay. She went to the doctor, who checked for broken bones, and she has none. Thank goodness!

I was taken by surprise, however, by how quickly she jumped to assure me that she hadn’t fallen.  I guess to her a fall is unprovoked, and speaks to her ability to move around unassisted. Whereas a push–well–is beyond her control and has nothing to do with whether it’s safe for her to do grocery shopping on her own. Anyone can get pushed, after all, no matter what their age, and end up staring upfront and close to the sidewalk.

I hadn’t given any thought to the difference, but clearly she had. She chooses her words carefully. And I find myself doing the same thing.

“I’d like it if you’d let me go with you when you go back to see the doctor,” I said gingerly. She mentioned she is supposed to go back in a couple of weeks. And it’s so hard to get a straight story from her; I’d love to speak directly to her medical professional, for once.

Hope changes the subject, asking about the children and my husband (her son).  It’s tricky, getting to the heart of the matter. It’s hard to find out how she is doing. I think I’ll give her a call….

–Lori Woehrle

Older Americans — those 55 year or older — are filing for bankruptcy in greater numbers, and the bankruptcy rate among those 65 years or older has more than doubled over the past 17 years.

A June 2008 study of bankruptcy activity from 1991 to 2007 found that older Americans, who made up about eight percent of those filing for bankruptcy in 1991, were more than 22 percent of that group by 2007.

“While the bulk of bankruptcy filers are in their 30s and 40s, the financial landscape for the oldest and youngest generations has changed considerably,” said Elizabeth Warren, a Harvard Law School professor who compiled the study. “Those ages 34 or younger experienced the greatest decrease in bankruptcy filings, comprising nearly half (45.5%) in 1991 to just over a quarter (26.1%) in 2007 of all bankrupt debtors.

“Research found that by 2007, the median age for bankruptcy filers had increased to 43 years old in 2007 from 36.5 years old in 1991,” Warren said. “A declining economy, increasing healthcare costs, and a general lack of retirement preparedness puts older Americans and their families at greater risk for bankruptcy and continued financial stress.”

Funding for the report was provided by AARP, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, the University of Michigan Research Initiative Grant Program and the Harvard Law School Dean’s Fund.

–Lori Woehrle

For many families, summer vacation is a multi-generational affair, and, careful planning may be in order to accommodate older family members so that everyone is safe and comfortable and able to enjoy themselves.

For those traveling with aging parents, here are a few tips that I have discovered along the way:

Consider going to a familiar city – When my mother was ill, but, still able to travel, I found that going to a familiar city was less stressful for me, since we already knew our way around, and where the grocery stores and restaurants were.

Familiarize yourself with health care in the area – Especially when we traveled with my parents, I always took a few minutes to find out the location of the nearest and best hospitals in the area, and occasionally planned our destination to coincide with the better hospitals in the area when my mother was sick. It’s not something you have to think about through the entire vacation, but just have the information handy.

Find out the exact layout of your accommodations – In addition to considering basic handicapped access issues, we’ve found that a unit or house with one bedroom, preferably with a bathroom, set apart from the others is best for multi-generational housing.

Consider distance from the elevator and steps – if you are staying somewhere with multiple units, and are traveling with an ambulatory older person, it’s beneficial to be as close to the elevator as you can. Also, find out if there are steps to negotiate and how many.

Plan for home health care needs at the same level as at home – If your aging family member has home health services, you can still travel, but you need to consider that vacation is probably not the time to have less help than you are already receiving at home. For example, my mother traveled with oxygen. It took some planning, but we were able to arrange oxygen delivery at the beach right after a hurricane. Sites such as OxygeNation often have travel tips. Whatever your needs, such as large equipment like a wheelchair, the first thing you should do is talk to your home health agency, they may even have branches in your destination city. Or, you might contact a local hospital for home health recommendations.

Check and double check medications – make sure there’s enough to last, and that all medicines are labeled with dosage. Additionally, keep a list of their medications and dosages in your wallet or purse in case of emergency.

Post the address and phone number of your location, and any local emergency numbers by the phone when you arrive at your destination – Better to have it available and not need it, than to have to produce it in an emergency.

Though it may be different from the travel routine you’re used to, with a little planning, everyone can go along for the fun.

Any tips to add? Please do share them.