Do you know about the 80/20 rule? It’s a business truism that says that 80 percent of your sales come from just 20 percent of your (most loyal) customers. Airline frequent flyer programs are the 80/20 rule in action.

Today I learned of a variation: the 40/70 rule, which says if you are at least 40 years old, and your parents are 70, it’s time for you to start talking to them about a host of issues.

We all know how difficult it can be to talk with our parents about certain topics. Jake Harwood, a communications professor at the University of Arizona and author of the book Understanding Communication and Aging, provides us with seven helpful tips:

1. Get Started.
   If you’re 40 or your parents are 70, it’s time to start observing and gathering information carefully and thoughtfully. Don’t reach a conclusion from a single observation and decide on the best solution until you have gathered information with an open mind and talked with your parents.
2. Talk it out.
   Approach your parents with a conversation. Discuss what you’ve observed and ask your parents what they think is going on. If your parents acknowledge the situation, ask what they think would be good solutions. If your parents don’t recognize a problem, use concrete examples to support your case.
3. Sooner is best.
   Talk sooner rather than later when a crisis has occurred. If you know your loved one has poor eyesight or has trouble driving at night, begin to address those issues before a problem arises.
4. Forget the Baby Talk
   Remember you are talking to an adult, not a child. Patronizing speech or baby talk will put older adults on the defensive and convey a lack of respect for them. Put yourself in your parents’ shoes and think of how you would want to be addressed in the situation.
5. Maximize Independence.
   Always try to move toward solutions that provide the maximum amount of independence for the older person. Look for answers that optimize strengths and compensate for problems. For instance, if your loved ones need help at home, look for tools that can help them maintain their strengths. Professional caregiving services provide assistance in a number of areas including meal preparation, light housekeeping or medication reminders. Or find friends who can help.
6. Be Aware of the Whole Situation.
   If your dad dies and soon afterward your mom’s house seems to be in disarray, it’s probably not because she suddenly became ill. It’s much more likely to stem from a lack of social support and the loss of a life-long relationship. Make sure that your mom has friends and a social life.
7. Ask for Help
   Many of the issues of aging can be solved by providing parents with the support they need to continue to maintain their independence.

The 13-page booklet, The 40-70 Rule: A Guide to Conversation Starters for Boomers and Their Senior Loved Ones, is based on interviews with 1,500 U.S. and Canadian adults with aging parents.

–Lori Woehrle